Putting Up a Front From All Sides
by KareNeko
Summary: Two magic words land in Kakashi's lap and suddenly he holds the key to getting closer than close to Iruka. So close he might finally succeed at having his interest returned...yaoi-ish light KakaIru.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm not too keen _

_on the smell of Vasoline _

_No I'm not Princess Di and I don't want to be a queen –_

_I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks._

_-Bloodhound Gang "I Wish I Was Queer"_

Oh, the wicked web we weave...here is silly summer fluff just for fun...enjoy!

o0o0o0o00o0o

"Kaskashi! Kaskashi! Kaskashi!" Iruka landed on the bench next to the lackadaisical jounin after hurdling the back of it. He danced from butt-cheek to butt-cheek in an excited wiggle. "Look! LOOK!"

He waved a blue flyer in front of the copy-nin's face.

"Whoa, hold still there, I can't see it."

"See? See?" Iruka grinned, letting the lazy hand hold the flyer unassisted.

"Wha…hey, all right! This is in June?"

"Yeah, look here - contortionists! The twins are contortionists!"

"That's cool. You're pretty worked up - did you get tickets?"

"Better than that. I hope you don't mind, but I signed us up on the list as potential escorts."

"Oh, Iruka, you're dreaming. They'll pick women to be the escorts. Why even try?"

"I have to try. You mean to tell me you wouldn't give your left nut to be backstage with the Icha Girls?"

_He's so cute when he's excited_, Kakashi mused. _If only he could get that excited about getting 'backstage' with me._

Kakashi's face held a brief look of pain. It was a labor pain, as his genius mind gushed forth and gave birth to a half-baked plan.

"I think I know how we can position ourselves to be picked for escort." The jounin gave a superior look to his hippity-hopping friend.

"How? What?" Iruka leaned in close, bursting with curiosity and hope.

"We'll put those silly rumors about us to good use. We'll pretend we're gay. Then they'll have no qualms about letting us babysit those babes."

"Oh, no. No way. Well, wait. Maybe. It might…it _could _work. Yeah…yes…hell yes! You're so smart it's scary! I take back everything I ever said about you being the thickest genius ever! You're always bullshitting everybody about being bi - this could work! I love you, man!"

"I love you too, man," Kakashi snickered, delighted to his very core.

Life, in all its fullness, had finally supplied Hatake Kakashi with the perfect situation.

"So when do we start? What…" Iruka was beside himself, ready for action.

"Step Number One: making out at the bath house naked!" The jounin gestured skyward with a decisive pointer finger. (Making out naked at the bath house was also Kakashi's Iruka Icha Fantasy Number Twenty-three. What a coincidence! Go figure. )

"We'll be front page gossip in an hour or less!" the crescent eye smiled.

"Whoa. Are you sure about this?" The brown eyes reflected a bit of shock.

"You want twin contortionists or not?"

"Hell yeah! Eyes on the prize! Let's get our stuff !"

For a dog man, Kakashi's smile certainly resembled that of a cat anticipating his cream.

O.o


	2. Incognito

_**Disclaimer: I don't have any form of ownership over Naruto - a fact he thanks Kami for at every meal.**_

_Thank you very much for the reviews...yes, I agree that Iruka's a bit OOC...so is Kakashi...and they might (okay, they WILL) get a little frisky, so the "M" rating is probably going to be justified. I'm just giving their characters a little 'free play' time, and it isn't a long story. We can go back to abusing them properly in other fics._

* * *

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_Oh Kami finally…finally…_

"Ungh…Kakashi…" Iruka whispered harshly. "I'm actually getting…er…ungh!"

"You better be," Kakashi hissed back, grinding Iruka against the edge of the bath for all he was worth. "These are ninja women that are spying on us, Iruka. They'll be able to tell if we're faking." His hand snaked down and began fisting the thickening chunin, who blushed as if to die in the steamy air. Then he swooped in with unmasked open mouth and enthusiastic tongue for some face time. The fence between the women's bath and the one they occupied creaked tellingly, and a muffled oooooh! followed by the sound of ten or so hands slapping over one mouth resounded in the damp air.

"S-stop. Don't !" Iruka gasped quietly and wiggled away each time something unfamiliar nudged his relatively unsullied back door.

"Shhh calm down." Kakashi licked the adorable red ear. He'd finally found his magic words. Oh, they weren't the ones he'd imagined. Not "oh Kami you're so fuckable." Not "Gods Iruka you're everything I ever wanted." Not even, over time, if things went well, "Oh Iruka I love you so much…"

No. The magic words he breathed that made his scarred obsession turn to goo were…

"Twin con-tor-tion-ists…" Just two words and the man was his to touch. To hold. To kiss, fondle, stroke, explore with fingers and tongue. _In public_, no less! His taste was so addicting.

"Iruka, we need to leave evidence in the water," jounin breath, hotter than the bathhouse steam, purred in his throbbing ear.

Brown eyes were crossing, his knees jerking up in reflex then shooting back down to close off the expressway to Kakashi's current destination.

"We don't have to do _that _to leave evidence in the water!" Iruka growled under his breath, doing another evasive rump-twist.

I'm being greedy, Kakashi agreed mentally. It was wonderful enough without penetration. This time.

"Sorry, I just hope they don't notice…"

Kakashi was fisting them together and the poor, seldom-frisked sensei was nearing his limit.

Had he more of his wits about him, he might have wondered why Kakashi was so good at this. Why he seemed to know his way around another fellow's body in this way. Why he had no shyness about where, how, or what he put his hands and mouth on in such an invasive and stimulating manner.

For a moment Kakashi feared that Iruka might have a stoke. He was trying so hard to be quiet. Kakashi urged him to let go, make noise, and, er, play the part. It was rather fascinating.

The man tried to make no noise at all, resulting in all consonants battling harshly against his tightly closed mouth and controlled nostrils. Grrrrm mmmmm nnnn ngggg ggggrrrrr rnnn nnnggg!

When forced to open his mouth, he tried to subdue the sounds by letting all his breath out. The result was a fixation on the first letter of the alphabet. "Aaaaaaahaaa aaa aaaaaaaaaah!"

Really, it was a good thing he was speechless.

And with a last growl of consonants giving way to the long wailing vowel sound, the chunin 'faked' a hefty load into the water simultaneously in simulated orgasm with Kakashi's own peaking at their erotic performance.

Reluctantly removing his hands from their stations, one embedded in tan muscular buttcheek and the other clutching their softening members, the copy-nin took Iruka's red face in his hands and kissed him with a tongue that mapped his tonsils as if to say, 'save my place!' He then returned his mask to its upright and locked position for landing.

"I hope that was good enough. We might not have gone far enough to fool them." Kakashi smiled and watched a swirl of spermy fluid drift down out of sight. Iruka looked positively stunned and spent.

"I don't think I can stand up," he moaned, dropping his head back on the tile.

"Nice touch - good acting," Kakashi tongued in his ear.

"Who's acting?" Iruka exhaled noisily.

"Slide all the way out and I'll suck…"

"No!" Iruka covered up like a naked goalkeeper. "I'll die!"

Suddenly the chunin found the strength to leap up, throw on his robe and flee. "Gotta go 'Kashi!" The wet ponytail disappeared through the bath gates.

Kakashi casually rose and sauntered to the fence, soon hearing the melody of many wet feet slapping a hasty retreat on the other side. He hopped up to peer over the top as the last of many splashes resounded. They'd seen him coming, of course.

The result of the many nosebleeds made the women's bath appear as if a recent shark attack and piranha feeding had just occurred.

"See anything interesting?" Kakashi smiled. None of the women complained about this 'peeping' over the fence. They all looked very guilty. And really, they all looked as if they liked 'Bathhouse Kakashi' very much at the moment.

"Ahhh, I knew you wouldn't be convinced. Iruka-sensei talked me into that little act because he wants us to be escorts for the Icha Girls when they come to town, and he thinks we'll get to if everyone thinks we're gay. "

"Of course!" one of the female chunin cried. "That explains it!" another said brightly. Chattering resumed immediately.

Kakashi shrugged and dropped back down off the fence.

What a shame, their act didn't fool anybody. Kakashi wore a happy smile under the damp mask. _Guess now we'll just have to do some more convincing convincing. _

o0o0o0o0o


	3. As a Couple

See previous disclaimer.

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Iruka gulped as Kakashi languidly licked at his partner-in-crime's lips and chin, mouth somehow still partially covered by the mask. The ramen shop seemed to suspend its occupants in time and space. Several shocked diners, noodles dangling forgotten, froze in awe at the meal Kakashi began making of Iruka's lovely face.

"Baby, you got broth on your chin…" Kakashi breathed. His head began to dip lower. "And in your lap…"

Iruka's eyes bulged and he captured Kakashi's face in both hands. "Not _here_, dear!" he hissed.

"Then let's go somewhere private." He stood and positioned himself behind the blushing chunin, wrapping his arms around the muscular midsection and counting his blessings again. Such a squirmy boy! Kakashi grinned all over. Nearly limitless play with his new toy! He felt like a frisky puppy with a new squeaking chewy.

And squeak Iruka did. But quietly, or subtly, because he was still all for it; at least in principle.

He walked behind Iruka in lock-step, glued to his backside and groping blissfully under the vest to tweak a nipple, strum fingertips across the taut belly, to tickle an intruding thumb around the belly button. He began to imagine Iruka as an exotic musical instrument, each teasing touch eliciting different noises depending on the destination.

"You need to prepare for these Icha types," Kakashi warned in the perpetually reddened ear. "They do it all. You'll need to be able to take a large strap-on or your twins won't give you the time of day."

Iruka was growing a little nervous. The more warnings he got about these women, the more Iruka realized he might be out of his league. The things the women would do sounded erotic, that was for sure. But some of the things were also more than just a little weird. Some were kinda scary. And most were things he'd have to train for ahead of time, as Kakashi has said, or he would make a complete fool of himself.

"A l-large strap-on?" Iruka looked a little worried.

"Yes, well…you've done that before, right?" Kakashi asked as he sucked on an earlobe, with his chin on that sturdy shoulder, and they veered a little unsteadily until Iruka could walk AND think AND get molested all at once.

"Not a strap-on. I did, er…with a man, I mean…well, once there was a period of time where I had to…it was just business though, I guess……"

That surprised Kakashi. He had? There used to be rumors about Iruka and another teacher at the school; but the man was found guilty of several crimes against the village, and Iruka had told Kakashi they were never involved that way…so who..?

"Go on." Kakashi dropped the attack and gave a more supportive hug. It sounded like this was unpleasant in some way. "You can tell me, Ru."

"You know, Ibiki's training."

No, he didn't know Ibiki's training. Ibiki wasn't the seduction training coordinator. But Ibiki always said Iruka looked like a nice piece of ass when the subject of possible prey came up at the bar, and he would have the clout to take over that phase of training if he desired. Which apparently he had. Kakashi hoped it hadn't spoiled his chunin on the whole thing forever. Stupid Ibiki.

"I trained under someone else, Ru, I was pretty young."

"Oh." Iruka shrugged. "It was quite a while ago, and it's not like I've practiced since."

"Use it or lose it, they say!" Kakashi smiled, concealing his frustrated curiosity. This would be a subject they could return to after a few drinks in order to extract all of the details. "You really do need to tune up for this. What say we go to the club and use one of the hourly rooms in the back? That ought to get the word out."

"You don't think sucking ramen off my face in front of everyone got the word out sufficiently? Screwing in the bath house? Taking…"

"No." Kakashi interrupted primly. "We did not 'screw' in the bath house. We did other things that were less convincing. But if you prefer, we can work on getting you ready 'that way' in private. You know, that's actually very smart. Prudence dictates that if you ever want to go back to convincing people you're NOT gay, you shouldn't 'screw' another guy in front of witnesses." He stroked his masked chin reflectively. Iruka was instinctually smart on this one. And somehow, it still worked out in the copy-nin's favor. It still looked like he'd be inserting himself into Iruka's, er, life, even deeper - in private and very soon!

They had reached Iruka's front porch, and the chunin hesitated with his hand on the knob. He was not considering whether or not to be polite and ask Kakashi in. He was searching for words that would keep him out without pissing him off enough to launch kunai.

"I really have a lot of homework to grade," he said gratefully. _I love grading homework. Thank heavens for the pile on the table. _"Maybe we can do this tomorrow."

Kakashi sensed that it was not the right time to push for entrance of either kind, so he instead swept the startled brunette off his feet, dipping him backwards into a kiss worthy of any romance novel's cover art. Iruka had no idea how he had pulled down the mask so quickly, but the sweet, very convincingly romantic kiss made his heart pound in spite of the currently hazy idea that it was all just for show.

Kakashi was amazing. Iruka had to concentrate fiercely to uncurl his toes.

It was then the unmasked, handsome mouth approached his ear, drifting up from its station at his lips, and whispered the magic words.

"Twins, Iruka. Contortionist twins."

And Iruka, who had momentarily forgotten all about that, felt his pounding heart twinge with a hint of pain. He was beginning to enjoy their little act as a stand-alone activity. Just a little. Just…reluctantly. A side benefit of the main objective. Of course. He would never use Kakashi that way; not Kakashi, who was not interested in Iruka that way, but only teased him as the very close friend he was.

In a flash of silver hair the re-masked jounin had returned him to a standing position and was drifting down the stairs, waving lazily without looking back, the other hand holding a book that was strategically hiding the evidence of just how much he would have preferred to get on with the Icha training _now_.

Iruka fumbled the lock and seal, falling inside with a rush of self-realization. He couldn't help it. He wasn't hurting anything. Kakashi was a gadabout, a seasoned sexual explorer. Obviously, since he was doing the training here, he was the sexpert. Expert. Whatever. It meant it was okay, right? Okay for Iruka to start to enjoy it so much?

It was definitely okay to enjoy the physical activity.

But was it dishonest to enjoy Kakashi as a lover without his knowledge, if it came to that point?

Without his knowledge. Yes, that sounded wrong. Dishonest. Evil.

But Iruka wasn't even sure that was the case yet. All this intimate activity was unfamiliar ground for him. Maybe what he was feeling was normal in the mechanics of such things.

He decided to stay the course for now, and make the hard decisions later if they became unavoidable. At least he didn't have to worry about hurting the other man's feelings. For the jounin it was just a project, a means to an Icha Girl end.

It took twice as long to do the grading, what with his unruly mind replaying their kiss on the porch with unmerciful clarity at every opportunity.

o0o0o0o0o


	4. Not Actually That Way

Disclaimer: See chapter 2.

_You're so kind with your reviews, thank you all! I am aware that this is fluff, junk, drivel, and going nowhere fast...guilty as charged. But in my defense, it's all free! And there, I rest my case!_

o0o0o0o0o

When classes were over, Iruka hurried to the mission office - limping.

Not only was he moving with less speed than usual, he was running late due to an emergency afternoon conference with a parent. It was kind of annoying how people thought that when then their child brought weapons from home it was somehow the school's fault when someone got hurt. And never mind that it had been Iruka as the sole victim this time, his own thighs that got slashed, way too close to an appendage he was not willing to sacrifice in the name of education. Well, regardless, the little girl was suspended for the week whether the parents agreed or not.

When he rushed in through the door Genma gaped and jumped up.

"Iruka! Were you attacked?" the senbon jutted seriously and the man came around the desk, intercepting Iruka before he could reach his chair.

"It was a student, just an accident." Iruka watched a little uncomfortably as Genma knelt in front of him.

The jounin carefully pulled the cloth of his pants away from his thighs to free them from the dried blood.

"Drop those pants; let me look at these wounds."

Iruka started to step back. "They look worse than they are. It'll be okay, I'll take care of it when I get home."

"No. Let me see. I think there's some dirt or something, that color doesn't look right. It's too hard to tell unless I see it iin the light. "

That got Iruka's attention. The last time he'd let something like this go and his wounds had been dirty, he ended up getting very ill for quite a while. He began undoing his belt when a curt "ahem" came from the doorway.

Kakashi was standing up very straight. His usual mission room slouch had vanished.

Genma gave a look with a raised eyebrow, and Iruka blushed and stared, taking in the sudden vision of daylight framing that exotic silver hair and hard physique. Iruka's hands were still slowly working to free his pants, on auto-pilot. Nearly two weeks of casual play-acting hadn't eased his ambivalence about the situation; now, when Kakashi was around, it was difficult to concentrate on anything else.

The fact that the two did not actually stop their shenanigans when he interrupted them shot Kakashi full of possessive outrage. They should at the very least pause to acknowledge his dominion. And was Iruka now just going for the general identification of being gay, as opposed to being in a relationship?

Iruka might have been oblivious, but Genma knew it was a jealous look immediately. His evil grin told it all.

"It's okay, Iru-kun, just let me touch it and see…" Genma said suggestively, relishing the chance to provoke his lazy superior. As the tan hands began to lower the pants for him, he just couldn't resist licking his lips. No doubt that was why he suddenly found himself holding thin air.

Kakashi and Iruka materialized in the filing alcove. Startled, Iruka's pants had dropped all the way to his knees.

"What do you think you were doing in there?" Kakashi demanded. Iruka tried to dip down to pull his pants back up but the strong gloved hands held him upright.

"Hey…what the…?" Iruka gave a token struggle, and he winced when it bumped his leg with Kakashi's.

Seeing the look was pain instead of guilt, the copy-nin moved back and gave the dropped drawer area a quick visual inspection. He took in the sight of the wounds and reprocessed the last scene with this new bit of information in mind. With a frown he transported them straight to the infirmary. Which, he thought angrily, is what stupid Genma should have done in the first place instead trying to be cute about it.

Luckily for Kakashi, Iruka's displeasure at being transported to the infirmary against his will prevented him from putting together just how jealous the jounin had been acting. Especially while they were not being witnessed by anyone they were trying to fool.

"Kakashi!" growled Iruka. The sound of his discontent alerted a nearby med nin, who turned and took in the sight of the copy-nin restraining a half-pantsed man with swollen, blood-crusted thighs.

_What are these pervert ninjas doing to each other now? _wondered Al the orderly, waving them to an examining table. The embracing hold the taller man had was slow to release, further confirming his suspicion. _This hospital is too busy to keep patching up the results of sick jounin sex habits._

Al pulled the curtain along its track in the ceiling to conceal the table area and motioned for Kakashi to step out. Which he did, just barely, his legs visible as his body made a bulge in the thin cloth on the other side. He _was_ outside the curtain. Technically.

"Did you want him to do this to you?" Al asked, no longer caring if the disobedient jounin heard.

"Wha…him? You mean? No! No he didn't…"

"Yes I did," intoned Kakashi's bored, deep voice. "He begged for it. He's incredible."

Too much information, Al shuddered.

Oh, Iruka thought. Another golden opportunity to further their goal. Dummy me.

"Well, I guess I have to admit it. Yes I wanted him to." Iruka smiled sheepishly, his face jumping in a wince as the wound was probed.

Suppressing the urge to slap them both for wasting valuable medical resources, resources that could easily be conserved if they would merely learn the normal way for two guys to do it, Al continued:  
"I have to report this. What was the weapon?"

Iruka held his breath for a moment. Kakashi smiled.

"It was a twine razor," Iruka said quietly. Kakashi and Al both gasped. They were poorly formed cheap blades, considered disposable, mass produced from pig iron. They were unique in that they usually had uneven edges and a greasy finish to the dark, smelly metal that left a residual odor if you used it with a bare hand. Especially painful since the edges were milled haphazardly, unevenly sharp and dull. They were often a source of mishaps due to the tendency of the hay balers to dispose of them carelessly in the fields after use.

_Sick bastard_, thought Al unkindly at the copy-nin's earlier proud tone.

_Who the hell did this to Iruka? _scowled Kakashi.

"We need to clean this out really well, and you're getting a Tetanus booster, I don't care how recently you've had one. Come with me." _And I'm telling Tsunade before I let you leave. You guys need a talking to. _

He settled Iruka in an examination room, eying Kakashi, deciding if he should let him stay. He decided to allow it. The man wouldn't dare do anything in the hospital, and he'd be front and center to face what would likely be one very pissed Hokage. Al liked the idea of that quite a bit.

The twenty minutes they waited were very long ones. Iruka's seat on the table added tension to the skin on his thighs making the cuts sting and burn more. Kakashi's perch on the cheap side chair was rather uncomfortable as well.

"A twine razor?" Kakashi demanded. "Who? How?"

Unable to fathom why it pissed the man off so much, Iruka explained. It did not quell the anger.

"And you were going to wait even longer to take care of it? You know how dangerous cuts from those damn blades are. You should have come in immediately." The silver head shook in disbelief. "And now we have to let the Hokage think I did that to you as a turn-on."

"Hey, wait a minute here! It was _your_ idea to say we did it on purp…"

"How the hell was I supposed to know that you would let something that nasty go without medical care? You know better, Iruka. I'm disappointed in you."

Ouch. Iruka bit his thumbnail, his budding indignance flattened. He tried to take care of his own wounds, especially those caused by his own negligence. It was _his_ student. He should have caught her with the blade the minute she walked in the classroom with it, concealed or not. It was a relief that he was the only one hurt. And he had intended to use it as a wake-up call to himself, and put a little extra alcohol on it to sting the reminder in well. It didn't occur to him that it might be seen as irresponsible from someone else's viewpoint.

"Hey," Kakashi's voice was a little softer after he calmed a bit, and he stood up to touch Iruka's shoulder. "Sorry. I'm just concerned, that's all." When Iruka looked guilty, Kakashi went to give him a supportive hug, thanking his lucky stars one more time for their act.

The low, rumbling sound froze them both. It grew in volume, in depth. It exploded in a roar.

"What the HELL is going on between you two? Hatake, I'd believe anything from you, but Umino, this blows me away. Away I tell you! A twine razor! What, trying for the trifecta of lead poisoning, tetanus and sepsis all in one shot? How long ago did this happen? Answers! NOW!"

One huge gulp later, Iruka realized that their act would not be a wise thing to try and pull off in front of Tsunade - besides, the incident report had to be submitted properly since the student was indeed suspended.

He came clean with a hurried synopsis of the day's events, nearly running out of breath.

"We were just preserving the privacy of a student in making up that story for the orderly," concluded Iruka's explanation, and Tsunade, somewhat mollified, nodded. She placed the third used needle on the tray, using her thumb to massage the last injection site.

"Very well. Just remember, Hatake, anything you stick into our sensei better not be a weapon, understand?"

Tsunadi leered.

Iruka blanched.

Kakashi never flinched. "So, I have the all-clear to stick things into our sensei otherwise?"

Iruka swayed slightly.

"Since when did you have to ask permission to penetrate allied territory, Hatake?" laughed Tsunade. "If you can infiltrate and reach your objective, who am I to deny you? Just make sure your maneuvers are agreed to by both parties. In this case, I would prefer you go out of your way to make sure of that, understand?"

Iruka felt a little dizzy, but hid it quite well. He thought.

"You look a little green, Iruka, not unexpected after those shots. Kakashi, please help Iruka get to his home, and thank you for bringing him in for treatment. Seriously, Iruka, that would have been a big mistake to let those wounds go."

"Yes, thank you Lady Tsunade and Kakashi-san. And I suppose I should thank Genma-san as well."

"Don't go overboard," growled the silver-haired jounin, and he teleported them away in a flash.

oxoxoxo


	5. PseudoHomoPhony?

Same disclaimer, not worth repeating.

_Hi Honorable Readers and Even More Honorable Reviewers! Here we have another helping of fluff, going nowhere fast._

_o0o0o0o_

Iruka reached for the door handle and missed. Kakashi gripped him even tighter, which the chunin thought could not even be possible.

"I have you, be still." He took the keys from the shaky hand and unlocked the door. "Tags? Traps?"

Iruka made sloppy signs and nodded the all-clear, and with no small amount of mortification found himself being carried across his own threshold like that blushing kunoichi on the cover of last month's Ninja Bridal Magazine (He never read it, ever! But it was always displayed prominently at the checkout, and sometimes it was almost the only thing in the waiting rooms…). He was placed with tender loving care on the sofa, and strong hands began to relieve him of his clothes.

"H-hey wait," Iruka's hands followed helplessly to stop the jounin's, always a half-a-second too late to actually slow the man's progress, and instead taking fingertip inventory of each new spot that had just been expertly divested of its clothing.

Stripped to his dark, form-fitting undies, Iruka's whole body blushed in contrasting crimson. Kakashi sighed, carefully checking his bandages so close to that delicious, vulnerable bulge.

_Wait…bulge_? Kakashi licked masked lips and considered…was this really starting to get him somewhere? Had all this togetherness and sexplay finally gotten through to the thickheaded brunette?

"Happy to see me?" Kakashi leered, and slapped himself mentally as soon as he said it. _Moron!_

"I…you…no…I just…" Iruka stammered in embarrassed guilt, flinging both hands down to cover his guy-ness. He ran out of sounds, and not one word would come to mind. So he sat in silence, watching his own hands frozen in their protective positions.

"I was teasing, sorry, that was just rude," muttered Kakashi, averting his eyes and snagging the lap quilt, putting it carefully over the prone man for modesty's sake.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you look bad," Iruka said wearily. The long day and the upsetting events, coupled with the side-effects of all the shots, were slowly knocking him out. "I wouldn't want anyone to think you cut people up for fun."

"Ru…" Kakashi smiled, and played with a few strands of hair that lay across the drowsy chunin's forehead. "You have to take better care of yourself. Too many of us depend on you."

"Hah," the brunette said softly, eyes closing. "You don't depend on me. What do I do for you?"

Well, it wouldn't do to answer that honestly at this point. So the copy-nin just let it drop.

"Shhh. Tsunade said you need to rest. Go to sleep, Ru, and I'll take care of things for now."

"Thanks…Kash…" the chunin murmured, drifting off. Kakashi settled back to watch for a bit, still playing with the soft brown hair and smiling. When Iruka had been asleep long enough that his hovering began to seem a bit obsessive, Kakashi took quick stock of his buddy's condition, set his medicine in reach along with a glass of water for when he woke up, then left as he should.

The next day an unsteady Iruka made it to class on time regardless, and one irritated jounin was not pleased that he had not called in sick.

But the children saw he wasn't feeling well, and in rare sympathy behaved rather well for him all day. When he moved on to head for the mission desk, Kakashi fell in behind him, stalling him with a concerned embrace.

"Kashi!" Iruka startled. "Gee, you almost made me drop my papers!"

"Sorry, I was worried." The visible eye curved happily. "But you look fine. And you feel even better!"

Ah, happy days, the chunin leaned into instead of away from him, and laughed instead of scowling and slapping.

So Kakashi did what came naturally. He leaned forward and gave a big kiss to the tanned cheek and hugged even harder. To which Iruka, ever the good sport, turned in his grip voluntarily and allowed for a more proper exchange.

Inner Kakashi got an attack of the vapors.

They were soon kissing like gourami, the papers dropped, their hands roaming, bodies without a millimeter of airspace between them.

"So…convincing," gasped Iruka between lapping the jounin's back molars.

"Ahrrhuh," agreed Kakashi, not backing off enough to talk for all the money in the world. It was getting good. Then it was getting better. Then it was getting to be time to teleport elsewhere before they began to violate public decency laws.

"Kah…" gurgled Iruka reluctantly. "Mission desk…due…ten…ago." Face chapped from smashing firmly and repeatedly against the other's, the reddened nin tried with all his inner strength and self-control to back away from the embrace.

"No, Ru, no…" begged the pressure-cooking, partially unmasked man, nearly bursting from his khakis. "You need…a day off…two days off…a week off. Yes, week off…" his hands roamed southward and Iruka was liquefying. He began to make the signs to teleport when…

"Ho! Iruka!" yelled Genma. "Holy crap, what are you guys doing right here in the hallway?"

Wall-eyed in embarrassment, Iruka was jerked back to reality and jumped back. He snatched the papers up off the ground, dashing into the mission office. He hit the chair and panted for several minutes before smacking a palm to his head. There hadn't been any reason to freak out. It was supposed to have been their act. Running away like that was stupid in the context of their project. Stupid and suspicious.

To Iruka it had seemed like Kakashi had actually been into it, but now that he was thinking clearly, he was more realistic. This was a jounin with A-class seduction experience. If he couldn't pull off a little stunt like that convincingly, he'd have been dead long ago.

x

Kakashi cracked the knuckles of his now-empty hands and raised his fists in frustration. Death as a fate would be far too good for the senbon sucker.

Genma collapsed against the wall shaking in silent laughter, tears rolling down his cheeks as he pointed and grinned mockingly at the frustration he'd induced in the glaring copy-nin. If this was their big act, those two definitely needed to work on getting their stories straight.

o0o0o0o

"It's a foot in the door," Iruka smiled thinly. "Looks like our plan may be working."

They were helping refurbish the stage all morning, applying new paint to the tired old wooden surface. It didn't take long for them to finish with the two of them working side-by-side.

Iruka put away the paint and set the brushes in to soak, absently watching the jounin. Kakashi was picking the drops of paint off of his boot, bending at the waist.

The pose was overwhelming. Those twin olive-drab covered globes were mesmerizing. Each little shift, each movement, seemed to rearrange them into new works of art. They were grab-able. Pinch-able. Perhaps even…kissable. His fingers stiffened, each digit individually restraining itself from breaking free and probing those beckoning curves.

"…so we can take them later. That'll work, won't it?"

_Oh, hell,_ Iruka blanched. _He's been talking. And I didn't hear a word of it. And it's because I can't get my mind off of his…_

"Iruka! Are you listening to me?"

"Sorry!" blushed the brunette. "What?"

"Tonight. That training," Kakashi straightened up, moving into a more intimate proximity. "Did you forget?"

"No! I…I remember." Iruka rubbed his scar in discomfort. How could he do this? It was worse now, this feeling that he was taking the man under false pretenses. It did feel good, all of it, there was nothing fake about it. For him. But if Kakashi were to find out how Iruka really felt…at least they hadn't gone all the way, at least he hadn't deceived him to that degree. Iruka didn't think he could do it. It was wrong. Better to break it off now, to stop here, rather than torpedo their friendship. So to speak.

"Excellent," the copy-nin purred. He could do this. The defenses were coming down; the enthusiasm seeming more genuine…that sweet chunin was being slowly swayed, eased into the reality that they belonged together. This next step, the very intense, intimate nature of it…this could bring it all home. Somewhere in the sweating, the grinding, the pounding, the moaning; between the lips and the tongue and the ass and the cock…somewhere in there the truth would come gyrating to the top, and Iruka would begin to see it as well. That they were meant for each other. And that all of this was the bounty they deserved, ecstasy there for the taking, if he would finally give in and see what he'd been missing all this time. Tonight. This was going to be the big one.

Kakashi gave him a joyful hot, heavy kiss full of tongue and promise.

Iruka returned the heat with a desperate, worried longing. Tonight. He'd have to tell him tonight that they should stop all this. Everyone was as convinced as they were going to get. He didn't plan on doing anything with the twins now anyway except escorting them as assigned if they somehow got the gig. Kakashi could have them both; Iruka's consolation would be to let his friend have the prize.

They separated as the stage manager returned to inspect their work. Iruka had mission desk duty, and Kakashi shot him a wink, double-pointing at him playfully.

"Seven-thirty, right, doll?" he asked happily.

Iruka nodded and his heart gave another twisted ache. He would give almost anything to be his "doll" for real. Oh, what a fool, what a mess he'd made of everything. He turned quickly to leave, to hide the stinging in his wibbly brown eyes.

x


	6. The Confession Session

Disclaimer - ditto.

_Thank you for the encouraging reviews, I apologize for the dopey tendencies in this fic, and I submit to you another installment... _

o0o0o0o

Iruka sat stiffly at his kitchen table, staring at the pile of graded papers. It was a good thing it was just spelling and a true/false quiz, nothing that required concentration or analysis. He had graded instead of preparing and eating his evening meal. He had no appetite. His mouth was dry as dust.

When the knock came at the door his heart fell like a rock. He had decided to come clean, but he was loaded with second thoughts. His mind ran in a million directions looking for the right things to say to keep from making the mistake of a lifetime. He'd fallen in love with his best friend. And now he was going to be left without his friend and with a broken heart.

He drug himself to the door and opened it. Instead of a lone eye and a mask, he startled at the bobbling, colorful balloons that filled the doorway.

The balloons moved in at him and he stood back, watching them enter until the man bearing them came into view, chuckling behind them.

"For you!" he said. "I think the whole village saw me coming over here with these. Don't know why I didn't think of it sooner." He tugged down the big, red heart-shaped Mylar with "Sweetheart" emblazoned across it in shiny gold cursive. "Like carrying a big sign, isn't it?" he asked proudly.

Iruka felt sick as he gave a wan smile and nodded.

Uh-oh, thought Kakashi. Was I laying it on too thick? Is he worried about tonight? Did something happen?

"You feeling okay?" Kakashi asked, a little nervous twinge in his stomach.

"Unh," Iruka said cryptically. He thought for a moment he might throw up.

"Hey, you…you don't look so good. Come on, sit down." Kakashi set the kunai-shaped balloon weight on the end table and guided Iruka to the couch. "What is it, Iruka?"

"I…" Iruka fell silent.

"What?" Kakashi repeated softly. "Please, Iruka tell me. You can tell me anything, you know that, don't you?"

"I don't think we should do this anymore." There. He'd said it. There was no turning back now.

The brown eyes peered up, filled with pain and sadness, and Kakashi's heart froze. _He knows. I've betrayed his trust in me, some how he knows that I'm not acting. Oh my Gods no…he's ending our friendship. _

Iruka figured he should explain. Maybe…maybe if he described it well enough, Kakashi could understand. Maybe if he didn't sugar coat it, if he copped to what a rotten thing he'd done, he'd be forgiven. So he took a deep breath and just launched into it.

"This whole thing is a lie, this Icha girl stuff doesn't even matter anymore. Maybe it's unforgivable. It doesn't make sense. Tricking someone who's supposed to be your best friend, taking pleasure from them while deceiving them…it's so low. I don't have a way to excuse it. I guess…I guess the fact that we never went all the way might make it a little better…but we did a lot. We did a lot, and it was under false pretenses. I guess maybe it ruined everything. It's killing me to have to tell you this."Iruka spoke through numb lips, his soul waiting for the reaction that would likely slash and burn his world.

Kakashi's eye grew wide. "Iruka, no, no, please…stop." He put a gloved hand on those trembling lips. His mind was reeling. The lips burned his hand with the thought that he might never get this close and touch them again. Sure it was low, kinda, but it wasn't like he'd meant any harm. Iruka wasn't himself, he'd never say things like that to his friend, just accusing and condemning him without giving him a chance to explain.

"Unforgivable," Iruka whispered, his guilty face turned down. Tears began to track down his face.

"You can't mean that. You can't," Kakashi gasped. Every accusation Iruka had just made was true. But they could bounce back, shake it off. It didn't have to ruin everything. He had to forgive eventually.

"I had to tell you how I really felt," Iruka's voice warbled. "It's no good, lying and taking advantage…we just, we're on a different wavelength. I don't know what to do. If this has destroyed our friendship…"

"Do you think it has?" The copy-nin's voice was desperate. "Do you think this has destroyed our friendship?"

"Me?" Iruka asked hoarsely. "No, no, I don't, I don't want it to, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this."

"For starters, I for one don't have any reservations about our friendship," Kakashi said firmly. "You can get over this. I can get my damn hands off you and we can forget this ever happened. It was just a joke, a joke that got out of hand. No Icha girl is worth this much trouble."

"No more lies!" Iruka pushed away, and then ground his fists into his eyes to try and prevent his pathetic tears from falling. Here he was trying to confess and take responsibility, and Kakashi was still trying to paint him as the good guy! "It wasn't just acting, it wasn't just a joke! Stop trying to make excuses!"

The jounin fell silent as the words rang true. It wasn't just acting, it had been his heart's delight and his body's burning desire. It was true, and to deny it _was_ lying. Just excuses. So what did Iruka want from him now? On the one hand he wants to be friends still. What was on the other hand?

"Okay, so, you're right. It was real. It was dishonest, deceptive, slimy, underhanded, self-indulgent, inconsiderate, and desperate. The desperate act of a man with desires he had no chance of having reciprocated. Maybe…maybe it _was _unforgivable." Kakashi confessed grimly, laying himself at the chunin's mercy.

Iruka flinched with each word. Slimy. Underhanded. Oh, Gods, he had sunk so low in Kakashi's eyes…and 'no chance of reciprocation' settled the matter completely. It hit like a backhand. His mind swelled with tears and his eyes refused to emit them any longer. Breathing hurt like a knife.

Iruka grabbed his knees and curled up hard. He couldn't deal with this, but somehow he had to. Up to this point he'd held out some small hope. But this spelled it out, and all hope was gone.

It occurred to Kakashi that maybe it would be kinder to go, to put some space between them, to give it some time. It seemed like they were just here widening the wounds and dumping in salt. He rose and eyed the window.

"I'm so sorry, Iruka. I think I should go."

"Of course," Iruka hiccupped, trying to bring his emotions into control. He watched with burning eyes as the masked man reached for the window and slipped out in a fluid motion, gone in a flash. Now you see him, now you don't.

"Don't go," he whispered to the empty darkness of the open window, tears welling up again uncontrollably. "What have I done?"

x


	7. The Mourning After

Disclaimer: didn't we go over this already?

_Did I mention the reviewers are the best people in the whole world? tosses you candy and floofy cupcakes_  
Uh oh, somebody's getting up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...

o0o00o0o

The morning sun peeked over the comfortably cluttered skyline of Konoha and touched the raw, red cheek of one very weary and heartbroken chunin, dragging him into reality once more.

He stared for just a second in confusion at the floor his face rested on, and wondered why it felt like the window was open. Then it all came back to him. He must have fallen asleep here, crying his fool eyes out like some little baby. Stiff and disgusted with himself, he pried himself up off the floor and wobbled into the bathroom to shower and get up some momentum. He was late getting up, but there was still enough time to get to the academy on time if he didn't dawdle.

The kids had wide-eyed looks when he stood staring at them silently. They looked wary and a bit frightened. Iruka-sensei was in one of his moods. Hands were folded, feet were flat on the floor, and when he told them to turn to page 52, books flew open and expectant faces turned up with disarming smiles in a remarkable showing of youthful self-preservation.

This appeased the man in the ponytail, and he deigned to let them live another day. After lunch he set them to running laps and watched them with folded arms and little expression. For one brief, breath-catching moment, he saw a glimpse of silver-gray in the pine tree by the classroom window. When it turned out to be a pigeon, enough was enough. He blew the whistle, told the kids to go home and lumbered back into the classroom.

Well, that hadn't cut short his day. If he'd been bright enough to have them come back in and clean off their desks before dismissing them, then it might have. By the time he cleared all thirty-two desks he was late for his shift at the mission room.

Ah, the mission room. Genma was sitting on top of a file cabinet, aiming wadded balls of paper at the wastebasket.

"Hey, Iruka. What's the matter, couldn't get lucky in the hallway today?"

A full, four-drawer file cabinet is very heavy, and when you add the weight of a full grown (lack of maturity aside) shinobi, the weight nearly doubles. The computation of the amount of strength necessary to launch both through a solid wall clear across the central courtyard was beyond even Shikamaru's mind, obese though it was with genius.

Genma, shaking plaster and splintered wood out of his hair, took a moment before even thinking about trying to get up. Shikamaru peered down at him, deciding against being curious. This looked entirely too problematic to take on unless it was assigned to him.

"Shika," groaned the flattened shinobi. "Pull that out for me."

Against his better judgement, the Nara reached down and yanked the senbon out of Genma's neck and handed it back to him.

Two ANBU peered in the large hole left by the trajectory of the cabinet and the cad. Each seemed to be urging the other to go in first. Minutes passed and neither had given in when Tsunade flounced into the courtyard to see what the noise was all about.

"What the hell happened to you?" she asked Genma, who was still laying low.

"I'm not sure." He turned his head and nodded to the mangled wad of gunmetal gray steel. "But when I was sitting on that a minute ago, it was a file cabinet."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed, and the ANBU stepped back. Her fists grabbed her billowing robe and she thundered through the hole and right up behind Iruka's chair and gave it a mighty kick.

She wasn't called a legendary sannin for nothing. Chair and chunin lofted high and only Iruka's quick reflexes saved him, snagging the ceiling fan and parting company with the chair before it embedded itself into the ceiling.

"I do not know what your problem is and I do not care! Fix that wall, fix that cabinet, put your chair back where it belongs and apologize to Shiranui!"

Iruka drifted in circles, nodding with the bare beginnings of remorse, thankful for for the breeze in his face.

"You're on report for this. I'll see you in my office when you're done fixing this mess you've made."

His Hokage glared, weaving her neck to watch him until he let go of the blades and dropped back down to the floor. "What is with you lately, Iruka?"

Iruka tucked his chin down stubbornly and frowned.

Tsunade sighed. Her most cheerful, cooperative, lovable brat…gone to seed. She turned and went barreling out the door, nearly colliding with the Nara head on.

"If you say the word 'troublesome' I'm knocking you though the other wall," she growled, skirting him and thundering on down the hallway.

Genma was cussing at the ANBU trying to help him up, and Izumo and Kotetsu had shown up and were grumbling loudly at being drafted into helping with the cleanup.

"Gee, and they say smiles are infectious," Shikamaru shook his head at Iruka. "Your mood is like the plague."

One dark, dangerous brown eye narrowed, and Shika's superior brain cells hauled his ass out of there in a puff of smoke.

O0o0o0o0o

After the classic tackle-glomp greeting, the whining for food and the loud, enthusiastic description of his latest best-jutsu-ever, Naruto flopped on the couch and studied Iruka's stiffer-than-usual posture as he slashed red marks on student papers as if to draw blood.

"Gosh, I heard you tried to kill Genma-san today, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto blurted, raising one buttcheek to try and pass his ramen-gas silently. It almost worked. The little squeak make Iruka shoot him a disapproving look from under one raised eyebrow.

"Naruto!"

"Sorry, geeze."

"Crack a window."

"All right, all right." He lumbered over to the window and opened it, perching on the ledge to be safe.

"Thanks," Iruka said, a little more civil.

"Sure. Like I said, I hear ya tried to kill…"

"I didn't try to kill anyone! It was…" It was what? An accident? Hardly. "I just…"

"You just took out the whole wall and flattened the fourth ranked jounin with one swipe! I heard it was awesome!" Naruto grinned and punctuated his enthusiasm with something other than a high five

"I am never letting you get the onion ramen again," Iruka scowled. "It wasn't awesome, Naruto, it was childish and stupid." He dropped his pen and rubbed his forehead, feeling the anger start to drain out. This was the letdown he'd been dreading all day. Because when the strength of the anger left him, he'd have to face the pain again.

"I could have really hurt Genma." His face fell now, sadness taking hold. Naruto frowned and hopped down off the window sill, dashing over to give a clumsy hug to try and stop the growing upset on that special face.

"Aww, something's wrong, I knew it! You're just so weird lately, you and Kakashi-sensei! I mean, I know you guys are hot for each other and all, but all that stuff I keep hearing about! Kakashi-sensei I expect it from, but you - I never knew you'd set bad examples in public!"

Iruka let his forehead down on the table and wrapped his arms around his head miserably. "Neither did I."

"Heck, I didn't even know you wanted to date anybody. Sure came as a shock to me."

Iruka lifted his head and nodded. "I wasn't looking to date anybody. It happened by accident."

"Why, Iruka-sensei?"

"I don't know, it started out as a joke, kind of."

"No. not that. I mean, why didn't you want to date anybody? Doesn't everybody want somebody?"

Iruka looked in the earnest blue eyes and felt tears well up in his own.

"It's a character flaw that I have, Naruto. A weakness."

"You're perfect! What are you talking about?"

"Hardly…I can't bear to want what I can't have." He looked out the open window and swallowed hard. "Like us. My parents died and I had no one, no family, no parents. So I closed that door. No, I slammed it and locked it. I didn't see myself having a wife, kids of my own, ever. So I decided I hated kids, didn't want them even if I could have them."

"You love kids! You're surrounded with 'em!"

"Students were something I knew I could have, it wasn't a risk. That wasn't a problem. It was about having family. I refused to feel that empty longing. I refused to miss it, or want it, or do anything at all in the way of trying to get it."

Naruto looked confused.

"But, see, Naruto, you became my student. And there was something special about you. But even though you didn't have a family, and you needed and wanted one, I would never have offered or thought to bring you into my life. I had banished those thoughts forever."

"But…"

"Then we ended up fighting side by side, and recognizing one another. We connected on a deeper level. But don't you see? You were already installed in my life and my heart before I decided we could be like family. The connection came first. I'm too big of a coward to want something honestly and pursue it if there's risk I won't get it. Because then I'd still want it, and be disappointed, just wanting and empty forever."

Blue eyes regarded him softly. "You have a kind heart, so you have to protect it."

"No, it's cowardice, and I did it again. I did it again, and this time I lost the person I have feelings for." A tear trembled on his lower eyelid and he swept it away, determined no to cry. "As soon as I let myself start to want it, as soon as I knew it was love and how much I really wanted it…it was gone."

They shared a look of intense pain. "And…now I want that love, and I can't have it. I don't know how to stop feeling this way. At my age, you'd think I'd have it figured out, at least somewhat. But I don't know anything. All I can do is get angry, at myself, and at the cruel way life keeps treating everybody."

"You don't mean Kakashi-sensei, do you? I mean, he's nuts about you. I saw the way he looks at you."

"It wasn't real. I tricked him into it. Then I tricked myself into believing it was real."

"Wow." Naruto gave him a sideways look. "Are you sure he's not just playing hard to get?"

"I'm sure. He made it very clear. He said I was underhanded and desperate, and I have to agree with him. He made it clear that there wasn't going to be an 'us'. And then he left…right out that window."

"I'm sorry," Naruto said helplessly, and they hugged in quiet misery. "He's an idiot to walk away from you."

"I lied to him and I used him. I'm just getting what I deserve."

"So, what did the file cabinet do to you?"

Iruka blinked up at the sassy fox, grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood. "I need to apologize to Genma again. This time I'll mean it."

"I love you, Iruka-sensei. I wish I could make you feel better," the blond crushed him possessively. "Can I stay here tonight? Now I'll be sad if I leave you here alone."

"I love you, too, Naruto. I'd be grateful if you'd stay. Whatever happens, one thing I'm happy for is finding you. You're the family I could never hope for."

o0o0o0o

Kakashi avoided the memorial all day. He took his troubles there and found solace most of the time. But the pain of this was so incredibly intense, he had to ride it out a while before he could address it head on. No plan or angle came to mind, no genius inspiration to turn it all around and somehow fix it back up. Iruka was betrayed and broken, so obviously devastated by his thoughtless game-playing. The pain in Kakashi's heart grew exponentially every time he remembered that anguished look, when Iruka had gently explained just how horrible his seemingly harmless indulgence had been.

Unforgivable. True enough. He didn't really know if he would ever be able to forgive himself. He knew he'd never be able to stop the hollow echo in his heart from calling out Iruka's name.

Obito might not even know how to take this monumental screw-up, and he'd seen Kakashi commit some real beauties. But it was time to find out.

o0o0o0o

"You still didn't tell me how this happened," Raidou said, puzzling at the strange variety of bruises and the deep senbon wound in his boyfriend's neck.

"Yeah, I did. I told you, Iruka went ape shit in the mission room for no reason and blasted me through a wall."

"No, seriously. What the hell happened?"

"I told you. Iruka…"

"You wanna sleep on the couch tonight?" snapped the scarred jounin. "enough with the jokes, what the fuck happened?"

"All right, all right. I'll come clean." Genma peered at the ceiling for a moment, rummaging around in his mind for a good one. "I took Tenzou out behind the Hokage tower and I found out he doesn't swing that way." Lies. All lies, as a matter of fact.

"Ooooh, really?" Raidou's eyebrows arched up. "Huh, how 'bout that. I thought he looked like a goer."

"I thought so, too."

"Man. Not good. ANBU and no sense of humor, too. You sure know how to pick 'em." Raidou started gently massaging chakra into the bruises again. "You're lucky this is all he did."

"Tell me about it."

o0o0o0o

It was a great comfort having Naruto there. Around midnight a knock came at the door awakening them both. Sasuke looked a little perturbed as he inquired about Naruto's whereabouts, and Iruka let them talk, bickering softly in the doorway about not coming home, making people worry, and what constituted caring and what was just controlling.

I looked to be a lengthy debate. Iruka gathered up Naruto's clothes and folded them carefully. He went to the softly arguing boys and placed the clothes in Naruto hands, kissed him on the forehead, and gave him a gentle shove out the door. Both of them looked sheepish, grateful and apologetic as they left. That, Iruka thought, was one very brave and mature boy. His boy. If only he could follow in his footsteps.

Alone again, the hurt refreshed in his lonely heart, and he rested his elbows on the widowsill. The moon was just a sliver, sharp and beautiful. It wavered and he shook his head, disappointed that he was going to cry yet again. This was just stupid.

The dead quiet of his apartment was just making it worse. At the risk of being seen so bedraggled and teary, he slipped back into some clothes and tracked out into the night, letting the cool night air battle some of the stinging heat on his tear-ravaged face.

Get a grip, Umino, he told himself firmly. But he had no talent for it, and no clue as to how he might make it happen through sheer will alone. The people who used to give him that kind of advice were still available, though – twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. His feet found their direction and he picked up his pace on autopilot. He could have made this trip blindfolded.

x


	8. In The End

Disclaimer: same as before.

_Thank you for the encouraging reviews! This is getting to be a longish thing for a silly short fic. Time to put it out of its misery..._

o0o0o0o0o

Kaia had been manning the mission desk, six A.M. to ten A.M., every day the academy was in session for the last three years. She needed the dab of extra income to supplement her retirement from the kunoichi squad, and the schedule suited her grandly.

Early to rise, feed the chickens, then hop on in to work.

Except for a little filing or the occasional village-wide crisis, the desk was a ghost town on her shift. Nin returning from missions that early went home to sleep it off before reporting in. Nin seeking missions didn't seem to want to come on for them until the afternoon. So mostly, Kaia slept, knit, and snuck out to run errands when no one was looking.

She was glad she'd decided to wait to slip out to go get her hair done today. For the first time _ever_, none other than Hatake Kakashi, the famed copy-ninja, pervert and very attractive young buck, came in on her shift to pick up his mission. If he had one. Which, to the disappointment of both of them, he didn't.

He came off as a bit gloomy and it seemed to her that he sure was wanting that mission a lot. It was nice watching him walk out, though. What a great ass, she thought happily. You're just never too old to enjoy the view.

o0o0o0o0o

With no mission for an excuse, it was time to stop putting off his visit. The silver-haired man stood silently in front of the memorial, outwardly as emotional as the rocks and trees.

Inside he writhed with pain and raged at himself for his own selfishness and stupidity. Those moments, those touches, and worst of all those kisses…he believed in them. He believed that if he gave enough, in the right way, for long enough…he would find completion. He would win the heart and soul of his most precious person and never let it go.

And he had believed with ever fiber of his being that he was doing the right thing not only for himself, but for that person as well. Because he knew he wasn't perfect, and he knew he might not be easy to be with at times, but…he was sure without a shadow of a doubt that no one could love more deeply, protect more fiercely, or dedicate their life more selflessly then he could. Not if he was with that one special person. And Iruka was his special person, he was absolutely certain of it now; there was no question in his mind.

Whatever became of their relationship now, whatever could or could not be salvaged, it was all his heart would ever have in the way of true love. If it wasn't returned, then it wasn't.

It hurt like hell, but it wasn't so very different from the relationship he had here at the memorial. He brought everything to the table, and anything he got out of it came purely from his faith and hope and belief…or if he were to look at it more cynically, from his imagination.

He froze at the hitching breath and the strained voice that spoke behind him.

"Kashi."

Even a prisoner condemned to death is allowed the comfort of a blindfold. With no such crutch, he turned slowly to look at the tanned face and see with guilt the cheeks sore and reddened from salty tears.

A glimmer of hope tortured the back of his mind.

"Iruka," he said, stiff with uncertainty. "Were you…looking for me?"

"No." Iruka cast his eyes down quickly. He waved a half-hearted hand in the direction of the stone.

"Ah. You came to…of course. I can come back another time, then." Kakashi's throat was so tight it refused to swallow. Not that it would have had any effect on the lump that was wedged there. One foot in front of the other, he used all of his concentration to start walking away. Not an easy thing to do, what with the world crumbling apart with each step. The hand that touched his arm was so unexpected it jolted him like an electric shock.

It was impulse that made Iruka's hand dart out to stop Kakashi from leaving. It was that same feeling from when he disappeared out the window…but now he was still in arm's reach. The fruits of deceit and cowardice were too bitter to want a second helping. Just admitting to wrongdoing was only half of the truth. The other half, he'd never really expressed honestly…unwanted as it might be, his affections for Kakashi were a part of him now. He gathered all of his courage, fully expecting that he would be getting his lights punched out for his foolish refusal to take 'no' for an answer.

"I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore. Pretending to be friends…" Iruka stepped closer and reached up, pulling down the mask gently.

Kakashi's heart paused in mid-shatter as the motions went out of synch with the words, like a badly dubbed movie. _Can't do it anymore, _echoed his broken dreams.

Which made his mind wiggle like gelatin when the soft lips met his with unmistakable desperation and sorrow. That he returned the kiss seemed to beckon something a little more positive into the action. This, in turn, made him a tiny bit hopeful, and a little more skillful at kissing back. That seemed to cheer up those other gloomy lips a bit, and darned if they didn't get a bit of a frisky feel to them. Hands began to come into play.

Bodies jumped in. Tongues got into the action and the occasion moan came to visit as well.

Pretty soon it got to the point where it was downright disrespectful to keep going right here in front of the memorial, ahem.

Kakashi, man of action, made handsigns and took them back to his place. They fell onto his much larger and softer futon, and kept trying to eat one another's face in confused desperation, each afraid to stop in case the other was just temporarily insane.

Pretty soon they were getting close to having that lesson after all.

Kakashi fumbled for the lube, still sucking face for dear life.

Iruka finally twisted his face aside long enough to gasp, "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Now fully certain that this was temporary insanity, Kakashi paused for a second. Taking advantage of a man's instability for his own desire had gotten him into this pickle, hadn't it? Shouldn't he do the right thing, ask that same question of Iruka, not once but twice, before going ahead with this?

Nope.

He answered in the affirmative by locking lips again. The elite jounin fumbled and shot half the lube across the room in his frantic haste. _Quick before he changes his mind…_

For the umpteenth time today, his mind was blown, as a hot, writhing Iruka managed to slip a tongue in his ear and say…

"Please, please don't stop. I want to go slow and make this last…"

He sucked in his breath so hard he thought his chest might explode. _Holy mother of pearl!_

Needless to say, the lesson was an unqualified success. Learning by doing and repetition seemed to be the keys.

In the exhaustion immediately after, the continued touching and cuddling and nipping and groping seemed a little over the top for someone so dead set against this the day before.

"You, ah, recover from things pretty quickly," Kakashi ventured, tasting an earlobe cautiously.

"I do?" Iruka started to feel a touch nervous again. "From what?"

"You know. That stuff. Like, you know. What you said."

"Well, I…I meant what I said. I'm just surprised that you'd still want me, after everything you said."

"Um…I'm not really following you. Look, I'm just going to say it. I've been wanting to do this with you for so long I can't pin down exactly when it started. I never meant to hurt you, I just couldn't let an opportunity like that get away. I don't know what changed your mind, but I'm sure glad it did." He let his finger trace the spot on the earlobe his tongue had just vacated, smiling at the involuntary shiver.

Iruka shook his head to clear it. "You wanted this all along?"

"This isn't all I want, Iruka." He took the chunin's hand. "But you still haven't told me what you want."

"You," Iruka said simply. "I just want you. Because I…" he blushed, turning his weakness over in his heart, fighting the call to retreat. "I think…I think I'm in love with you."

Before he could think of anything else to say, he ended up saying "Ulk!". Because Kakashi glomped him so hard it knocked the wind out of him, and he didn't ease up on his grip until Iruka was politely poking him in his good eye to alert him to the fact that he was turning blue.

o0o0o0o0o

_Later that same night…_

"Rurururururuuuuuuuu," Kakashi teased in the sleepy ear. "Yoo hoo Ruru…"

"Are you for real?" groaned a very sore and tired brunette, scrunching up his eyes to see the clock. He moaned and flopped back. "It's four in the morning!"

"Technically it's still night," smiled the silver-haired jounin. "Still right for love."

"Touch me and you die," huffed the wincing man. He rolled over, and then rolled back. He wasn't really sure at this point which side of him might mean "go" instead of "stop".

"Rookie," the copy-nin breathed, kissing the frowning lips tenderly. "What if this is the only night you'll spend with me?"

"If I promise to do this some more after I can walk again, will you let me go back to sleep?"

"Absolutely. And that does not qualify as blackmail, by the way."

"More like strong-arm," Iruka said, just a tad pouty.

"Don't you love me?"

"I do love you; I do not love waking up at four a.m. feeling like I've had a boot stuffed up my ass."

"Ah, Ruru," grinned Kakashi, hugging Iruka tight like a delighted child with a new stuffed bear. "You're so romantic."

Iruka kissed him on the forehead in tender aggravation, and hugged back gratefully for all his tired body was worth.

_The End _


End file.
